so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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