just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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