Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
