She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
