This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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