I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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