I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize