He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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