Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
