i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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