I am puke
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
