Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
