He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
ttyl tear gas
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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