On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
