I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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