so that wasnt chicken after all
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
