whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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