addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
