1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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