Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
