I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
