Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
