Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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