I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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