i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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