OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
