I'm going to jail i love you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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