Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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