So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
