help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
false alarm. still invincible.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
