Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
