I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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