Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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