sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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