My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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