She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
