I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
