I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
