Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
