Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize