Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
