my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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