i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
