omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize