wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
