Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize