I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
