Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
