hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
