Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
