I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
