my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
