I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
