Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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