We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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