you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
