Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
