I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
