I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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