i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
