just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Say something about gay babies.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
