Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
