My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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