I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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