Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
