Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
