That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
