sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
