New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
