i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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