Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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